to sorrow

to sorrow

i bade good-morrow,

and thought to leaver her far away behind;

but cheerly, cheerly,

she loves me dearly;

she is so constant to me, and so kind:

i would deceive her

and so leave her,

but ah! she is so constant and so kind.

- john keats, from endymion

623. song of the indian maid

i just watched Bright Star. i love love loved it so. i also have not cried so much for any other film. my heart sank and heaved and sighed with grief. i am empty. i found it to ring so true. i have this sinking feeling that i, too, will never again see the one i love so dearly. i know things may not be right for us at this time and that i have to believe if it is meant to be it shall, but i cannot help but wonder if it is such that of a true love, what is it that is keeping us apart. my heart has never known such joy as lying in the arms of my mister in such complete peace and i fear it never again will.

here am i ringing in the new year with such ambiguity in so many aspects of my life. not one thing feels right or in place. i suppose this will be the year for creating newness and allowing myself to be. it is all just so nebulous that i want to sift through it in dream rather than try to break up the smoke myself. anyhow, i will be welcoming the new year in a dream. hopefully, my gentleman kitty will feel like being a little cuddle monster. goodnight all. i've got work in the morning, as well as a lot of thinking to do in the year to come.